Holy shit look at all this free VC we have.
You should probably use it to become a useful player.
And buy a Hawaiian shirt.
What? No, why would I?

Damn it.
Hey, kid, you’re doing okay except your free throws are terrible.
Lay off Beckett, coach.
He can’t hit free throws because he’s suffering from Multiple Dystrophy.
What? No, I–
Yeah, and there’s no cure for Multi D.
It’s not even a real–
I don’t know how long he has.
Oh boy…

Kid, you should have told me about your disease.
How did this not come up in the pre-draft interviews?
Your story is an amazing tale of American ingenuity and dedication.
About that “disease”, there’s something you should know.
Thaddeus says that it affects the nerves and the muscles.
The fact that you can play basketball at all is amazing, especially after healthcare reform.
You know, coach, Thaddeus says a lot of things that aren’t true.
Maybe given the media attention surrounding your disease, we should change things up.
Oh god there’s media attention now?
I was thinking I’d increase your playing time.
Oh, well, in that case…

Sam, what the hell were you thinking?
Are you really going to let this lie continue?
It’s gotten too big for me now.
And whose fault is that?
Thaddeus Young!
He’s a compulsive liar. He can’t help himself. But you…
I don’t know how else I’m going to get playing time.
So you’re going to pretend to have a disease that doesn’t exist?
This is going to end terribly, and you know it.
I only have to pretend until March 29, right? Then I leap out and–
And your son has to deal with the blowback of your terrible decision.
Because eventually people are going to find out.
I don’t want to mess things up for junior. But right now, I’m desperate.
We’re still not even sure what happens on March 29, Sam.
It’s a basketball game against the Pistons and Jackson Ellis. I’m pretty sure the 76ers have to win.
And I’m sure you’ve noticed that the 76ers are terrible.
The solution can’t be to lie about a terminal disease to get playing time!
I’m not lying. I’m just not correcting Thaddeus.
Oh, don’t get technical with me, Sam.
Al, I’m willing to do whatever it takes to bring this team together and win on March 29.
Anything, huh?

There you are, rook.
I heard about your disease, dawg, and I’m sorry I’ve been riding you.
Don’t worry about it.
I wanna start over, rook. We got off on the wrong foot.
What with you trying to break my foot to get playing time.
You still don’t believe me about that?
I know you didn’t want to carry my bags, but you’re still fresh meat on this team.
So we gotta find some way to show who’s the vet, and who’s the rook.
Really? More hazing?
Nothing physically taxing this time. We aren’t gonna aggrevate your Multi D.
Instead, I got this for you.

This is yours for the rest of the season.
And you get to wear it every time you make a public appearance.
No, wait, let me rephrase that. You don’t GET to wear it. You HAVE to.
Wait…

You get the idea, rook.
Listen, I know the disease and all…
But if you want to get everyone behind you 100%, you gotta show you know your place.
Man, I don’t know…
What were you just saying, Sam?
That you’d do anything to make this team work?
Looks like this is the way to win over Richardson.
I have to wear this at press conferences?
And on the plane?
You have to wear it everywhere you go.

You sure this isn’t a joke?
Oh, it’s a joke. But I’m completely serious, dawg.
That doesn’t even make sense… But if this is what it takes.

Yeah, that’s what I’m talking about.
Oh man, that is not a good look for you, Beckett.
That’s the idea, Thaddeus.
Don’t wear that around Nerlens. You know his father was killed by a clown.
Really?
You didn’t know? Why do you think we cancelled the team trip to the circus?
Coach said it was because of the crazy leftist animal rights activists.
Of course he did, he blames everything on leftists.
I don’t know who to believe any more.
Oh shit, that nose.
I gotta get a picture.

I am going to regret this so much.
I’m not.

 Holy shit, Sand King. You were fucking farming points in that game.
I don’t know what you’re talking about, but thanks.

See that, Al? 44 points in a game.
Things are coming together now that I’m getting playing time.
You’re still going to have to come clean about your disease some time.
Or, you know, someone is going to research Multiple Dystrophy and find out it’s fake.
No, see, if it goes on long enough no one will dare call me on it.
Because they’ll have to admit they were fooled by an obviously made-up disease for too long.
That’s literally the worst justification you’ve used yet.
It’s not a justification, just an observation.
Yo, rook, you talking to yourself again?
You caught me.
Just heard you were announced as player of the game. You’ve got a press conference to go to.
And you know what that means.

So you appear to have added a new “accessory” to your wardrobe here.
What can you tell us about that?
I scored 44 points and this is what you want to talk about?
You are wearing a red clown nose.
So, yes, that is what I want to talk about.

Well, after the yellow suit and the Hawaiian shirt, I thought it was only natural.
I have to develop my brand.
What about people who say that your brand has gone down a dark road?
Who says that, Doris?
You are wearing a red clown nose.
So I’m saying that.
I’m saying that this is a dark road.
This is high fashion.
Is all of this a side effect of your medication?
Do we need to be worried?
My medication?
For your Multiple Dystrophy.
Thaddeus Young says you are on a strong cocktail of drugs that lets you play.
Oh. Oh yeah.
The nose has nothing to do with drugs.
Are you sure?

Do you see what this is doing to me, Richardson?
The media thinks I’m crazy.
Yeah, it’s great.
But why aren’t you wearing it anymore?
Really, even now? Fine…
Happy?
Oh god oh god oh god oh god.
Beckett! Richardson! Nerlens is freaking out! Take that off!
Wait, his father really was killed by a clown?
You weren’t making that up?
Oh god oh god oh god.
I’m taking it off!
See, look, Nerlens. It’s me. It’s not a clown.
…
Don’t do that again, Beckett. Warn me next time.
Will do.
So, dawg, you had a hell of a game.
We all just about to go out, get some dinner, hang out with the people.
You comin’, right?

Well, I guess so.
I mean, I’ve been doing whatever it takes to fit in with the team.
Yeah, you keep wearing that clown nose.
It’s not like we’ll be out too late or drinking too much or anything right?
Nah, of course not.

Oh god
I’m still drunk.
What happened last night?
You’d probably rather not know.
I didn’t do anything stupid, did I?
The last three beers were pretty stupid.
My head feels like the worst parts of Scanners.
Don’t talk about Scanners with the team.
They probably don’t even kow what it is.
The future is so depressing.
Scanners wasn’t that great of a movie.
What? It’s a classic!
I wouldn’t go that far.
Ziggy 2.0 says that it’s hardly even what David Cronenberg is remembered for.
Uggggh I shouldn’t be thinking about David Cronenberg right now.
Nothing he created is pleasant to someone with a hangover.
Apparently in 1999 he directed The Straight Story which is actually quite pleasant.
Maybe you can watch that and relax.
I don’t want to go out to a video rental store right now.
Sam, I have bad news about video rental stores.
Did I have a bunch of overdue tapes before I leapt?
Man, I bet junior owes a ton of late fees.
Maybe it’s good news…
Are there no more late fees?
You could say that.
Aw, finally. I’m going to rent Mischief and never return it.
But I don’t have time for that. I’m late for practice!

So, see the papers this morning?
Catch the news? See what’s blowing up all over social media?
Man, I still don’t really understand what social media is.
I’m sure you don’t.
Well, let me tell you what you’re missing then.
The pictures of you from last night…
Was I wearing the nose?
You were dragging yourself home at 6:00 AM this morning.
Wow, hey, it was just dinner with the guys.
And I’m pretty sure Evan Turner dragged me home.
He kept calling me a “hard carry”.
I know you’re a rookie but that’s no excuse.
In this day and age, everyone is watching your every move.
I know! This day and age is fucked up!
More than that, you need to be focused on the game.
I know, I know!
I thought about suspending you a couple games.
But you were just out there trying to fit in with the guys.
And I just scored 44 points in a game.
And you just scored 44 points in a game.
Still, I talked about it with coach…
and you won’t be getting off the bench much in the next couple games.
C’mon, look at the stats. Look at the standings.

I guess that is a convincing argument.
You’re even starting to occasionally get assists and steals.
That’s right.
Fine, but you’ll stay at your regular playing time.
Right now I just want to go lie down.

I’m worried about you, Sam. You don’t normally drink like that.
I don’t know. I just want to do whatever it takes to make this team work.
The clown nose, nights out on the town…
…faking a disease that doesn’t exist.
Yeah, that’s still probably the low point.
I know what you’re doing, Sam.
Trying to leap home?
Not just that. You’re trying to leap out of the future.
Every other time has been the past.
You’re not comfortable with the future.
That’s right! I’m not comfortable with the future!
Do you know what a “Brony” is? Because I do now and nothing will ever be the same!
Just remember that when you jump out, your son is going to have to clean up the mess.
I know. I’m not sure what I should do…
You might not have time to decide.
What do you mean? I’m probably here until March 29.
Yes, that’s your last game against Jackson Ellis…
But your first game against him is in just a few days.
Oh boy…