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May 3, 2014

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NBA 2K14 — Quantum Hoop The Finale: Beckett vs. Beckett

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All right team, you’re going to have to decide between Jason Richardson and Tony Allen.
This is a terrible idea.
No, it’s natural selection.
Uggghh…
Yes! I won the balloting!
Only becasue Beckett didn’t vote and Evan Turner can’t think of anything but DOTA.
You mean I’m not a feeding noob.
Shut up, Evan. This is important.

Pacersallenrichardson

Okay, I guess it’s not that important.
Sam, I think we’ve figured out what’s going on with Jackson Ellis.
What?
A future version of you has leapt into his body.
Oh come on that’s just bullshit.

march29

So, this is it. March 29, 2014.
In the original timeline, the 76ers narrowly avoided a NBA record for consecutive losses.
But you leapt into the body of your son, and carried them to the playoffs on that date.
And now, I’ve leapt again into this timeline, into the body of Jackson Ellis…
Why? Why would I try to undo everything I already did?
That’s a good question, Sam.
And I hope that we’re finally going to answer it.
Yo, Beckett, who are you talking to.
Oh, no one. Just getting myself worked up for the game, that’s all.
It’s okay. I talk to myself sometimes, too.
My own voice is calming, especially when I make it deep like a wise old man.

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April 21, 2014

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NBA 2K14: Quantum Hoop Episode 17: Electing to the Bench

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Yo Beckett I have these endorsements but you gotta make a choice.
Tastes great or less filling?
What?
You know, from the Miller Lite commercials.
No, I don’t.
Oh, I guess you’re too young for that.
We’re the same age.
Yeah. Yeah, that’s right…
Sprite or Sprint? Nike or Jordan?
Isn’t Jordan just a Nike imprint?
Shut up and choose!
Uh… Nike and Sprite.

nikebillboard

We’re getting close, Sam. One more win and the 76ers clinch a playoff spot.
I don’t care about that. March 29 is what matters, right?
Maybe. I’ve had Ziggy 2.0 looking into this, and it isn’t quite so simple.
What do you mean?
March 29, 2014 is a special date for the history of the 76ers in all timelines.
What do you mean?
In the original timeline, the 76ers narrowly avoided setting a record on March 29…
…the record for most consecutive losses for an NBA team.
Oh, wow, that’s pretty terrible.
They didn’t have anyone who could score like you. Thaddeus Young had the best PPG.
That’s pretty bad.
It was a disgraceful season. But by leaping into your son, and setting him right before the draft…
…you made sure that the 76ers had a frontline shooter and everything fell into place.
That was all it took?
Somehow it also prevented Nerlens Noel from getting injured…
…and netted the 76ers a phantom draft pick to select Michael Carter-Williams.
How?
Time travel.
Fair enough. But you said that March 29 was important across all timelines.
This is going to take some explanation.
Right now… It isn’t your first time leaping into this timeline.
WHAT?
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April 14, 2014

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NBA 2K14 – Quantum Hoop Episode 16: The Big Dogs

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Hey, Beckett, I see you’re flush with VC now. How about you buy this sleeve?
Why would I want a sleeve?
It makes your shooting better.
That’s just silly.
Something about a failed energy drink that could float.
WHAT?
Yeah we fucked up on that investment and now several square miles in New Jersey are uninhabitable.
FUCK. What else could go wrong?
We’re trading for another SG.
…why?
YEAH WHY?
Don’t worry he won’t be stealing your minutes.
Hehehehehe

NBAgif

Yo, dawg, thanks for backing me up on this Tony Allen thing.
I think we both know your minutes are safe, so I appreciate it.
No problem. We’ve had our fights in the past…
I made you wear a clown nose.
But I think we came out better for it.
Whatever happened to that clown nose? Haven’t seen it in a while.
Yeah that kind of got dropped out of nowhere. There wasn’t even a cutscene explaining it.
Cutscene?
I… Uh… I…
I’ve been saying weird stuff like this ever since I saw the cover of that video game I’m on.
NBA 2k15 or something like that?
You’re not making any sense.
Yeah, I’ve been hearing that a lot.
So, how are we going to keep Tony Allen off our backs?
I don’t know. I want to believe the GM that he really isn’t a threat but…
Something doesn’t seem right.
I would watch out for Allen if I were you. He was involved in this shooting incident once and–
Wait, Tony Allen shot someone?
No, that’s the scary thing… He was just around. He broke someone’s eye socket.
With his fist? During a shooting?
I told you, Beckett. Watch out.
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March 31, 2014

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NBA 2K 14 – Quantum Hoop Episode 15: Free Trade Market

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Yo, Ellis, what’s up?
 Ready for another social media wager?
No, that’s silly.
Something’s wrong with you, you’re playing even worse than usual.
That’s because I’m testing you.
Yeah, this is all messed up.
Man, quit worrying. Look at all these endorsements.

champsboard

NBA2k

NBA 2K15? This makes me profoundly uncomfortable.
What do you mean?
Are you serious?
Just don’t think about it.
Okay, so what’s the next cliffhanger?
Well…

TBC

Seriously? The cliffhanger is what the next cliffhanger will be?
That doesn’t even make sense.
I don’t make sense?
You’re the one talking about cliffhangers and video games and shit.
Yeah, maybe I need to forget about that and focus on the game.
That’s a good idea. I know you’re on top of the world now…
…but you can’t let up.
I know, I know, March 29.
March 29? What happens then?
Oh, damn, you’re not Al…
Who the hell is Al?
Is he another super agent?
Are you going to betray me again?
I really can’t explain.

 

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March 25, 2014

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NBA 2K14 – Quantum Hoop Episode 14: All Star Weekend

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Oh man, the Pistons again? It’s always the Pistons…
Yo, Beckett, I feel like our rivalry is making us both better players…
…so I want to help you out but I can’t help you out if you know what I mean.
I don’t.
I think it’s code, Sam. Look at this:

socialmedia2

You highlighted random letters in that message.
No Sam, this is a message.
“Its u Sam fo sho”?
Sam, I think you’re the one behind whatever is going to happen March 29.
You from the future…er…present. You from 2014.
This is so confusing.
And I still need to decide who is going to be my agent.
Pick me and you’ll be rich with VC!
I can’t abandon my childhood best friend, uh, whatshisname.
You’ll regret this, Sam Suck-It.
Whatever, man, I’m an All Star.

ThisCityMadeMe

Good news, Sam, I think I’ve got you another deal.
Yeah, what’s going on with Kia?
Didn’t I have to win 4/5 games? We definitely did that.
Well, uh…
Don’t tell me it fell through.
Listen, I don’t know what happened. It just hasn’t come up again.
It just hasn’t come up?
I don’t know what to say!
But this is bigger. This is Champs sports.
You know the other guy was promising Adidas.
Man, Adidas was founded by a German named Adolf.
And don’t get me started on that Korn song.
Okay, I know one of those things is innately bad.
Yeah that Korn song is embarrassing.
I meant–
So, Champs sports is a subsidiary of Foot Locker. Foot Locker, Sam.
Okay, I guess that’s a good thing.
There’s only one catch…

Tornbetween

Wait. What?
Are you kidding me?
That’s what they’re telling me.
Have they looked at the stats lately? The standings? Anything?
This is just how the game is played, Sam.
What game?
Because it clearly is not basketball.
Marketing, man. My game.
Shouldn’t you be able to outplay Ellis’s agent?
Well that’s the bad news, you see, because when you turned down that other guy–
Are you telling me Ellis signed with the super agent? And that’s why I gotta compete with him?
I get it, I get it, this seems like a raw deal after you picked me over him.
You think?
If it’s really a big deal you could go back to him. No hard feelings.
Nah, I burnt that bridge. He called me “Sham Wreck-it”.
He really said that?
Man, white dudes do not know how to throw shade.
Yeah, well, I guess I just have to outplay Jackson Ellis again.
This time at the All Star game, right?
What? No. Ellis isn’t an All Star. At the Futures Game.
Am I being arrogant if this is kind of insulting?
Kind of.
So I have to outplay Ellis at the Futures game for the Champs deal?
That’s the deal.
Well, I think I can do that.

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March 15, 2014

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NBA 2K14 – Quantum Hoop Episode 13: Make Rivals Not Rivals.com Puns

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C’mon, Sam, join my agency. Don’t you want to be famous?
Don’t you want to make more VC?
More sweet, sweet VC…
Are you drooling?
Don’t listen to that guy. He’s going to take a huge cut of your money.
Also I’m your best friend.
I don’t respond to guilt, man.
Really? You should. It would make this decision a lot easier.
Also, I maybe got you a Kia commercial. Kia!
The super agent or my best friend? What do I do?
I don’t know, Sam, but right now you should get ready for another game against Detroit and Jackson Ellis.
Them? Again?

Justdetroit

Okay, Ellis, let’s go over this one more time.
You are going to kill Sam Beckett Jr.
In the tunnel, or in the locker room, or on the court…
…and when I say “on the court” I mean you will literally kill him…
…not just try to outplay him in basketball.
Yo, I heard you last time.
The first time I misunderstood, but you were loud and clear before game 2.
And?
I decided not to commit murder, especially when I still don’t get why you want him dead.
Don’t make this harder than it has to be, Jackson.
More importantly, I’m the reason you made it to the NBA, remember?
You keep saying that, but I don’t know if it’s true.
In the original timeline, where I don’t interfere, you’re nobody.
I’m not even drafted?
You don’t even exist.
How does that work?
I’d have to teach you string theory for you to understand.
Oh, is that how you make string cheese?
I definitely want to learn that. How do you get the cheese to pull apart in those strips?
Well, you see, the proteins are aligned so that–
Wait a minute, that’s not what string theory is about at all!
Aw… Damn.
This is all just a distraction. Are you going to do as I ask or not?
I can’t kill him, Dr. Beckett. Even if he is actually you, and you must have a good reason.
He’s my rival. We drive each other to be better. If he’s dead…
Maybe I might as well be out of the game, too.
Oh shut up with that self righteous bullshit.
You’re asking me to murder another human being.
For the greater good.
Explain how killing your son–inhabited by yourself from the past–is the greater good…
And maybe I’ll do it.
I can’t.
Then we’re done here.
You’ll regret this, Ellis. Come March 29, you won’t have this choice.
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March 9, 2014

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NBA 2K14 – Quantum Hoop Episode 12: Agent of Change

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We have to solve the murder of my mother.
But Sam, we need to stay grounded. Quantum Leap was never a murder mystery.
Well, then we need to pull from another show.

HoopDetective

Basketball is a tragic misstep in evolution. Nature crated an aspect of nature seperate from itself…
…and now it has come crashing down on the rims of natural law.
This makes you even more insufferable than usual.
Find the Yellow King.
LeBron James is the Yellow King.
Okay, LeBron, tell me what you know and also teach me to dunk.
Your mom was killed by a time traveler, time is a flat circle, and so is the hoop. Grab on and hang like this.

LebronDunks

A time traveler? But… I’m the only time traveler.
Then you must eventually become the murderer.
This whole story is bullshit.

NBAgif

I warned you not to look into this, Sam.
You knew that Donna was murdered, and that I was responsible, and you did nothing.
No, I didn’t know that you were responsible.
And you weren’t. At worst, you will be responsible.
How long have you been travelling through time and you still don’t understand?
Well, if I’m going to kill Donna in the future, that’s an easy problem to solve.
I just have to choose not to do it.
If it were that simple, Sam, then why did it happen?
I don’t know! Leaping into the future has disrupted everything I thought I understood.
Even myself.
Right now you can’t be worrying about what will happen and has happened in the future past.
Oh god when you put it like that it’s even worse.
Right now you need to be playing some solid basketball.
Are we still worried about March 29?
A few months ago it was a big deal because the 76ers were terrible and I had to beat Jackson Ellis.
But right now the 76ers are pretty good.
You’re pretty good. Have you taken a look at the stats for the rest of the team without you?

otherstats

Okay, yeah, I see your point.
Right now, if I were Jackson Ellis, I’d be finding a way to take you out of the equation.
Without you, this team is completely lost.
Yeah, I guess I am pretty much carrying the team.
Without your interference in history, the 76ers would be one of the worst teams in the league.
The team would be in disarray. Evan Turner’s gone. Thaddeus is begging for a trade.
The lottery would be their only hope.
But now we’re looking for the playoffs.
Be careful, Sam. You can’t let up. And you can’t drop your guard.
We still don’t know what happens if the 76ers lose on the 29th.
Don’t worry, we’re not going to find out.
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February 25, 2014

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NBA 2K14 – Quantum Hoop Episode 11: Hoop Detective

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Ellis, you need to kill Sam Beckett.
But you’re Sam Beckett! Clearly you don’t want–
God damn it.
Well, Sam, you beat Ellis again.
Yeah, and he said I was handsome.
What do you think that means?
Beckett, quit daydreaming about Jackson Ellis.
I’m making you a starter.
Finally!
I hate to interrupt this important moment, but Sam there’s something you should know.
Donna was murdered in the 1990s and the killer was never caught.
Oh my god.
You know what that means?
We have to solve the murder.

HoopDetective
Sam, I don’t think we’re here to solve a decades old murder.
But the victim was Donna! My wife in an alternate time line! And the mother of who I’m inhabiting.
You shouldn’t talk too much about that, it makes me uncomfortable.
I mean, oedipus much?

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February 16, 2014

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NBA 2K14 – Quantum Hoop Episode 10: Feeling MEGA

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I have something to tell the team about Sam Beckett Jr. Here’s Dr. J to explain.
Multiple dystrophy isn’t real.
Oh my god you lied to us.
Well, uh–
Guys, Beckett is the only reason we’re not the worst team in the league.
Deal with this internally.
We’re gonna make you wear terrible shoes.
And it’s only going to make you a better player, isn’t it?
Yep.
We’re still not putting you in the starting rotation.
Really? I was player of the month, I’ve been scoring more than any other two guys put together.
Really.
Why?
Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
Jackson, I want you to kill Sam Beckett.
But you are Sam Beckett.
Exactly.
My head hurts.

justlockeroom

Another game against Detroit?
I don’t make the NBA schedule, Sam.
This is already feeling silly. Why is Jackson Ellis still my rival?
I’m easily one of the best scorers in the NBA and he’s just…okay.
Don’t ask me how this works, Sam. The future is just as strange to me as it is to you.
At this point, my rivals should be a whole lot better than Jackson Ellis.
Something is going on with that kid. I just can’t explain it.
He called me Dr. Sam Beckett the first time we met.
Still haven’t explained that.
He must have some knowledge of Project Quantum Leap.
It’s not impossible. Remember: to him, Project Quantum Leap is the past.
Wait, what? It’s still not going on in 2014?
Ziggy 2.0 says that it was ended in the late 1990s.
That means that I return home eventually, right?
I don’t know, Sam. I can’t promise anything.
I keep thinking about something my agent told me…
You still don’t know his name?
He said that something happened to me–to Junior–back in Indiana.
He thought I wouldn’t want to go back there.
Ziggy 2.0 still hasn’t figured anything out.
Yeah, it can’t even find my agent’s name.
This is a developing technology! We are pulling information from the future!
Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Not really.
It’s harder than hitting a three point shot.
That’s been pretty easy for me.

threepoint

Shut up.

justnextday

Yo, Sam, how’s it going?
Great! It’s going great, except I can’t get into the starting rotation for anything.
Remember what I told you about trades?
Look, man, I can’t ask for a trade.
It’s complicated.
That’s cool. But we need to talk.
You’re right. I want to know what happened to me back in–
Boy, you don’t want to go over that right now.
But I do! I have a lot of questions. I was so young…
I was young, right? When this tragedy struck…
Man, this isn’t the time! I got you an exclusive meeting.
Meeting?
Listen, as you get further into this there are companies who are gonna want you to endorse them.
Use these opportunities to build your brand.
My brand?
Your brand, Sam. Your brand.
Well, okay, I guess if this is going to build my brand.
But later, we’re going to talk about my dark past.
Fine, we’ll talk about your dark past.

NBAgif

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NBA 2K14 – Quantum Hoop Episode 9: It’s All About the Shoes

prevon Well, now that I’ve proven I’m better than Jackson Ellis, things should be easy.
I’m cutting your playing time.
GOD DAMN IT
You’re just convincing me that I’m right.
Hey, if this is all going badly you could ask for a trade.
A trade, eh?
Sam, remember March 29?
Oh yeah.
Well, now I’m going to go into this next game with a chip on my shoulder.

ejection

GOD DAMN IT
You stood up for your teammate, good job.
But I’m going to tell everyone you’re lying about your disease.
GOD DA

NBAgif

That’s right, everyone. Multiple Dystrophy isn’t even real.
I talked to his agent and childhood friend.
And he didn’t even know Beckett was sick.
Oh yeah? If you talked to him, what’s his name?
Seriously, I want to know.
I… I didn’t ask his name. But that’s not the only evidence I have.
I consulted a Dr.
Hey there kids.
Oh my god, it’s 76ers legend Julius Erving!

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