Yo, Ellis, what’s up?
 Ready for another social media wager?
No, that’s silly.
Something’s wrong with you, you’re playing even worse than usual.
That’s because I’m testing you.
Yeah, this is all messed up.
Man, quit worrying. Look at all these endorsements.

NBA 2K15? This makes me profoundly uncomfortable.
What do you mean?
Are you serious?
Just don’t think about it.
Okay, so what’s the next cliffhanger?
Well…

Seriously? The cliffhanger is what the next cliffhanger will be?
That doesn’t even make sense.
I don’t make sense?
You’re the one talking about cliffhangers and video games and shit.
Yeah, maybe I need to forget about that and focus on the game.
That’s a good idea. I know you’re on top of the world now…
…but you can’t let up.
I know, I know, March 29.
March 29? What happens then?
Oh, damn, you’re not Al…
Who the hell is Al?
Is he another super agent?
Are you going to betray me again?
I really can’t explain.

 

Yo, Beckett, I caught your Champs ad.
What the hell you doing wearing Ravens colors?
Listen, that wasn’t my choice. I don’t know what happened.
Just when I think you’re okay, you find some way to get on my nerves.
Well don’t think of it as Ravens colors.
Just think of it as almost wearing the Phoenix Suns colors.
Why would that make it any better?
You played for the Suns for a few years.
And what’s that supposed to mean? I bleed 76er blue now.
Jason, c’mon, leave Beckett alone.
You really love this team, you’ll put up with him ’cause he’s carrying us right now.
Whatever, I’m out.
Hey, thanks for sticking up to me.
Yeah, I feel kinda bad about that whole thing where I got you accused of faking a terminal illness.
That was pretty awful.
I’m still getting weird threatening letters from the Make a Wish Foundation.
 Yeah I submitted a request for you but I have an uncle who works for them. He can fix that for you.
…
You don’t really have an uncle who works for the Make a Wish Foundation, do you?
Um… I don’t… I don’t know.
The truth is I never knew my parents.
Oh. Oh I’m so sorry. I never meant to–
Wait a minute are you lying about that, too?
Listen, Beckett, I’m gonna make it up to you.
Make up for all the lying?
I heard you got a bunch of VC from all these new endorsement deals.
Yeah, and?
What were you going to spend it on? Looks like you’re basically all upgraded.
I was thinking of investing it, maybe working on my retirement.
Dawg, you can’t retire on VC. It’s fake currency. You gotta spend it.
On what?
Take a look at these.

What are those? Arm warmers? Like leg warmers but for your arms?
No, these are performance elbow sleeves.
Performance sleeves? That sounds totally made up.
It’s not. These will improve your midrange jumper by three points.
Improve my midrange jumper? Pretty much all I do are midrange jumpers!
Then you should buy these sleeves.
You sure this isn’t just another thing you’re lying about?
Would I tell you if it was?
I guess not…
What else are you going to spend your VC on?
But do they have to look so…purple?
I’m kind of getting a bad rap for wearing purple on that billboard.
Sure, there are all sorts of colors but what fun are those?
That wasn’t an answer and–

Well I just clicked to buy these when I meant to change their color first.
Don’t worry, Beckett, that color is dope.
As long as they work…
I’m still having trouble understanding how sleeves could make me a better shooter.
Well I hear they’re coated in a special formula…
…strangely, derived from a failed energy drink that was weightless.
Wait, FAILED energy drink?

Hey we have to talk.
Oh man you’re being serious again. I don’t like this.
What happened with the Super Hype energy drink deal?
About that…

Aw, why didn’t you tell me before?
I figured I didn’t want to disrupt your rhythm, you know.
These investment deals are a roll of the dice. Given your salary, the risk wasn’t terrible…
…and the reward could have been great.
So that’s it? The money’s gone?
The whole operation closed up shop.
Something about the FDA, or the DEA, or the CDC.
The CDC? Oh god I drank a case of that stuff!
Well I wouldn’t try to have children for the next few months.
I heard they licensed out the formula to make these arm sleeves. Can I get any of that cash?
Nah, pretty sure that was all taken by the feds to maintain the Super Hype superfund site.
Damn it. Well I guess I’ll just have to invest smarter next time.
At least I as able to buy this sleeve.
Yeah, I hope it works and all this will be worth something.

Yeah, I’ll take it.
Hey Beckett, that’s a pretty “dope” sleeve.
Please don’t to use slang, coach.
Some of those shots were really “tight”.
Stop it. Stop it!
Just thought it was about time to introduce you to the newest member of the squad.
Meet Tony Allen.

That trade was a couple weeks ago and you’re just now introducing him.
And…wait…why did the team trade for a shooting guard?
Yeah, wait a minute! Now I’m what? Third string?
I don’t know. You’d have to ask the GM about that.
Let’s go, Beckett, we need to get to the bottom of this.

Okay, dawg, I know we’ve been on each other’s backs for months now..
…but we gotta present a united front.
You actually want to work together?
It’s one thing to lose my starting spot to the league scoring leader.
It’s entirely another to lose time to Tony Fucking Allen.
Jason, Sam, I heard you wanted to talk to me.
Yeah, we just caught wind of what happened at the trade deadline.
And we were looking for some insight into your decision to–
Why the fuck would you trade two centers for a shooting guard!
I was going to be more–
Center’s our weakest position! And you’ve got two perfectly good shooting guards…
…one of whom is not getting enough fucking minutes!
Okay, calm down both of you.
Uh, I am calm, it’s just–
Fucking explain yourself!
What was Spencer Hawes doing wrong? What am I doing wrong?
Listen, guys, I know no one on this team was expecting a winning season.
We thought this was a rebuild for sure, didn’t we?
I mean… I guess so.
Now look at where we are.

That’s pretty crazy, right?
What does this have to do with trading Spencer Hawes for Tony Allen?
Well, first of all you must know that Tony Allen can play small forward, right?
And surely you’ve noticed Evan Turner hasn’t advanced like we expected.
Woah, you talk shit about my boy Turner and you–
I’m not talking “s-word” about anyone.
Wow you really said “s-word”.
Evan Turner will get plenty of minutes. So will you, Jason. And Beckett…
…why are you even here? You really think we’d pull your time when you’re doing this:

Let’s be fair, with the way things went at the beginning of the season I have reason to doubt.
Both of you should stop worrying.
Tony Allen isn’t here to take anyone’s job.

That’s what they think…