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March 31, 2014

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NBA 2K 14 – Quantum Hoop Episode 15: Free Trade Market

Yo, Ellis, what’s up?
Ready for another social media wager?
No, that’s silly.
Something’s wrong with you, you’re playing even worse than usual.
That’s because I’m testing you.
Yeah, this is all messed up.
Man, quit worrying. Look at all these endorsements.

NBA 2K15? This makes me profoundly uncomfortable.
What do you mean?
Are you serious?
Just don’t think about it.
Okay, so what’s the next cliffhanger?
Well…

Seriously? The cliffhanger is what the next cliffhanger will be?
That doesn’t even make sense.
I don’t make sense?
You’re the one talking about cliffhangers and video games and shit.
Yeah, maybe I need to forget about that and focus on the game.
That’s a good idea. I know you’re on top of the world now…
…but you can’t let up.
I know, I know, March 29.
March 29? What happens then?
Oh, damn, you’re not Al…
Who the hell is Al?
Is he another super agent?
Are you going to betray me again?
I really can’t explain.

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Malcolm Pierce

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February 2, 2014

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NBA 2K14 – Quantum Hoop Episode 8: The End of the Lie

I want you to destroy Sam Beckett Jr.
Don’t worry, I’m going to run him all around the court.
No, I want you to kill him.
Yeah, I’m going to kill his unsustainable shooting percentage.
Listen, you need to murder him.
Exactly, murder his all star game chances.
Argh
Your first game against Jackson Ellis is coming up. How are you going to prepare?
Getting into a fight with Jason Richardson, of course.
That’s not productive…
You’re going down, Beckett.
We’ll see.
Fuck, embarassed myself again!
You disappoint me, Ellis.
I don’t even know who you are.
I’m Dr. Sam Beckett
That doesn’t make any sense!
Or maybe it makes too much sense.
No. No it doesn’t!

Well, Al, I soundly beat Jason Ellis in Detroit and the 76ers are actually playing like a good team.
This is going more smoothly than expected.
I wouldn’t get too used to it.
Why not?
I suspect that there is more than meets the eye about this situation.
Why is that?
If it’s really going to be this easy, then the run up to March 29 is going to be a slog.
I said “smoothly” not “easy”.
I still have to wear that stupid clown nose in public.
We should get some pictures of that to send back to everyone at the office.
Did you know they don’t use film to take pictures anymore?
What? Polaroid finally won?
It’s all digital.
Digital? Like 1s and 0s?
I guess so.
How does that even work?
I don’t know, but my phone can take unlimited pictures.
What’s the use of putting a camera on a phone? How many pictures can you take of your own living room?
Get this… I’m talking about a mobile phone.
You’re messing with me.
It’s smaller than my wallet.
And it’s made by Apple.
Now I know you’re just making this up.
My ex-wife invested in Apple. Terrible decision.
I hope she didn’t sell.
Or maybe I do, depending on how spiteful you are.

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Malcolm Pierce

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January 10, 2014

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NBA 2k14 – Quantum Hoop Episode 5: Thaddeus Explains It All

Sorry, Beckett, but you won’t be getting any playing time without an injury.
Oh God! My ankle!
Get out there, Beckett.
You did this!
Great job, kid, maybe I’ll let you start the next game.
Just kidding.
Al, what do I have to leap out of here?
Something big is going to happen on March 29
Oh no, he knows about March 29!
Then you’re going to have to destroy him the next time you meet.

I know that March 29 is a long time away, but so far this season has been a disaster.
I can’t get playing time, my teammates are bad, and Jason Richarson hates me.
If leaping out of here depends on winning a game–
Don’t despair yet, Sam.
Have you forgotten about your VC?
Coach won’t let me forget about VC.
He says that the secrets of the universe are coded in the block chain.
Well, the good news is that in response to the server issues…
…we’ve received a bunch of codes for VC.

We’re rich!
Relatively…
Finally I can upgrade this wardrobe.
I’ll get right on that.

Really funny, Al.
I think it’s an upgrade.
You know, my ex-wife loved Hawaiian prints.
Surely you can remember which one had such terrible taste?
It’s a good look on you, Sam.
Get me a better shirt.
Remember, we have to use VC to upgrade your abilities, too.
You still want me to waste it on more clothes?
…I guess not. Let’s look at upgrading my skills

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Malcolm Pierce

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December 21, 2013

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NBA 2k14 – Quantum Hoop Episode 3: Deep Sixered

I did well in the Showcase, so why am I still here?
Your son still needs you.

Yeah, I noticed.
Hi, I am the head of scouting for the [insert team name here]
Well, then I am [insert foot into mouth]
Never mind.
I don’t understand the future.
Then we gotta get you a suit!
With the eighth pick the Detroit Pistons select Jackson Ellis.
He gets to go to Detroit? That’s not fair.
Ziggy 2.0 has some bad news about Detroit, Sam.
With the eleventh pick the Philadelphia 76ers select Sam Beckett Jr.

The 76ers are pretty good, right?
RIGHT?

Good to see you, Sam.
We are excited to have you as a part of this organization.
Thanks, Glad to be here.
Now, we have contract to sign. Are we all in agreement?